I seem to have left my pride at pride
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
