Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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