It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
