It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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