yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
