this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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