weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
