Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
