Dual....:-)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
