What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
