i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
