Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize