You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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