I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
