there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
how do you play pong handcuffed?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
