Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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