I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
40s are totally the cure
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
