Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
