I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
