I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
