I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
