There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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