...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
