Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
