Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
