i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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