and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
