But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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