walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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