Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
