I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
