I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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