I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
