HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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