i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
