Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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