That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
