Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
