help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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