So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
