He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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