Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just want nice things and good sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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