Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
