It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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