how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
