he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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