i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
