Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
