Duck Duck Cougar?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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