I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
