You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
