just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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