I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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