if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize