forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
