Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
