did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
