After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
