My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
