i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize