There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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