I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize