win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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