the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
