You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
