you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
