It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
