Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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