Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
