I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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