Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
