highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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