Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
