i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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