So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize