He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
