I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
