If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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