Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i love accidental penises.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
