were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
