Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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