don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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