I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize