btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
