So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
