Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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