i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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