Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
