Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize