just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
