My friends, they love my intelligence
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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